The honest question isn't "is my life bad?" It's narrower and harder to dodge: is the gap between the man you appear to be and the man you actually are getting smaller, or wider?
You already trust outside measurement in every serious part of your life. This is the one place you've convinced yourself you don't need it.
You've spent twenty years building an inheritance for your kids. The part they'll actually carry, your presence, you've never once measured.